Operation Catnip & Code Crumbs
©ESR 2025

Ready to meet the Kitchen Cast?
Want more Benny? See Feline Files Entry 2 & the #StarbucksMisadventure 6 part series!

📂 TOP SECRET

🗂 FILE ID: #BNC-TGRY-001

🎤 NARRATOR: Benny the Cat (a.k.a. Agent Orange, a.k.a. Mr. Meowgi, a.k.a. That Furry Bastard Who Opened the Treat Cabinet Without Opposable Thumbs)

⸻

You ever get the feeling you’re being watched?

Not by God. Not by ghosts.

By a 12-pound ball of fur who blinks one eye slower than the other and judges your life choices like he’s got a PhD in your trauma?

Yeah. That’s me.

I’m Benny.

Tabby. Operative. Snitch.

Don’t let the toe beans fool you—I’ve seen things.

I’ve seen that jalapeño.

I’ve seen what she did with the jalapeño.

Hell, I warned her.

Twice.

But did she listen? No. She muttered something about “self-discovery,” staggered toward the fridge with whiskey on her breath and lust in her eyes, and I swear to Bastet, even the yogurt recoiled.

I watched from the top of the fridge like any responsible sentient being would.

I licked my paw. I flicked my tail.

I whispered to the microwave:

“We’re gonna need bleach.”

But that’s not even the worst of it.

Because last night…

A box came.
Brown.
Amazon branded.
Smelled like despair and batteries.
She opened it like it was Christmas morning.

I saw it.

The Device.

Sleek. Powerful. Rechargeable.

Probably connects to Bluetooth.

(So does the fridge now. I don’t trust it.)

And the cucumber?
He saw it too.

I swear, he sagged. Like… emotionally.
He didn’t even try to roll off the counter when she walked by. He just… gave up.

So I did what any undercover agent would do.

I activated Protocol Clatter.

You know the one. The “let me knock this entire stack of Tupperware off the counter while making unsettling eye contact” protocol?

She screamed.

I stared.

The device? It blinked red.

It knows I know.

⸻

📓 Addendum – Observation Log

• Time: 2:47 a.m.

• Location: Kitchen Countertop (Above Microwave)

• Status: Crouched in Silent Judgment

• Target: Woman, 1 glass deep into Bib & Tucker, humming to Hozier, dancing in yoga pants

• Notes: Cucumber back in drawer. Jalapeño… buried in backyard. Amazon box… empty. I repeat. Empty.

⸻

I’ll keep watching.

She thinks I nap 18 hours a day.

What she doesn’t know is I’ve got tabs on her browser history, and let me tell you—

She’s got questions.

And I’ve got claws.

Stay tuned,

Benny the Cat

Double Agent. Dish Licker. Drawer Whisperer.