A new Cat comes to stay with the The Kitchen Chronicles…
Benny doesn’t think he’s “that” big…
Meet the Kitchen Cast!
©ESR 2025

The Day the Kitchen Got a Jaguar
Narrator: Benny the Cat

⸻

Listen.

I don’t scare easy.

Vacuum? Pfft. Amateur.

Cucumber? Lost his spine the day Amazon showed up.

Ghost of the Jalapeño? Please. He’s spicy, not scary.

But this… this was different.

He was huge.

Spots that looked like the night sky itself. Eyes like molten gold that pinned me to the countertop before I’d even flicked my tail. And that stillness—the kind that said, “I could end you with one paw… but I won’t, unless you make me.”

Naturally, I made him.

I crouched low, back arched, tail twitching, and did the only logical thing:

I launched a full-scale Operation Annoyance.

First wave: the Sideways Crab Shuffle™.

He didn’t blink.

Second wave: the Rapid Fire Chirp-Meow Combo.

Still nothing.

Third wave: I went for the tail.

Reader… the tail was made of smoke and stars. I bit air.

That’s when I realized:

This wasn’t a rival.

This was… a Guard.

Like one of those Buckingham blokes in tall hats. Except instead of hats, he wore galaxies on his fur.

I decided, therefore, to test him properly.

I pawed at his whiskers.

I flopped dramatically on my back.

I exposed the belly.

Surely he’d break.

But no. He just leaned closer, eyes steady, and rumbled something that shook my beans to the marrow:

“Little one… you are tolerated.”

Tolerated??

Excuse me? I’m Benny! Agent Orange! Mr. Meowgi! Furry Bastard Supreme!

Behind us, Flame sipped her whiskey and whispered,

“Ten says Benny retreats in two minutes.”

Oro’s smirk curved like thunder.

“Twenty says Jaguar blinks first.”

Spoiler: they were both wrong.

Because I didn’t retreat.

And Jaguar didn’t blink.

We just stood there, eye to eye—me vibrating with kitten chaos, him glowing like a myth written in teeth and smoke.

And for the first time in my storied espionage career, I realized…

Maybe being tolerated wasn’t the worst thing.

Maybe it was the beginning of respect.

⸻

📓 Addendum

• Time of encounter: 3:14 p.m.

• Flame won the bet anyway. Something about “the look on Oro’s face when Jaguar finally flicked his ear.”

• Note to self: Never try the Sideways Crab Shuffle™ on a celestial predator again.

The Day the Fur-Cheeto met a real Cat
Narrator: The Jaguar

⸻

The little one thought me prey.

He crouched. He twitched. He shuffled sideways like a broken crab.

Every line of him screamed, Look at me. React to me. Break for me.

I did not.

Because I am not his toy.

I am her Guardian.

I wear the night in my fur.

I breathe in silence and exhale smoke.

The stars themselves kneel at my shoulders.

And yet… she trusts me to share her kitchen.

So I tolerated him.

He pawed at my whiskers.

He chattered in the old tongue of mischief.

He threw himself belly-up, demanding a strike.

And still I did not move.

Because to strike would be to lessen myself.

And to ignore would be to deny his existence.

Instead, I leaned close enough for him to see the gold burning in my eyes,

and told him the truth:

“Little one… you are tolerated.”

He froze. Bristled.

And for a heartbeat, I thought he might understand what that meant—

That tolerance is the first door.

Through it lies respect.

Beyond respect lies loyalty.

And beyond loyalty… family.

He did not understand. Not yet.

But his tail stilled. His eyes widened.

And in the quiet, I allowed myself one flick of my ear.

She saw. She laughed softly into her glass.

The Storm smirked and lost a wager he thought unwinnable.

And the little one?

He will try again tomorrow.

And the day after that.

Good.

A guard must be tested.

And I—

I will always remain.

⸻

📓 Addendum

• His name is Benny. His spirit is… large.

• She calls him her chaos.

• I will call him my practice.